A friend recommended Nonviolent Communication to me, after seeing how much I enjoyed Crucial Conversations. I was at first skeptical, but wound up being completely won over by Marshal Rosenberg's theories. Crucial Conversations is a cookbook of communication techniques that usually work... Whereas Nonviolent Communication goes much deeper into the fundamentals of human nature -- needs, desires, observations, judgment, empathy -- and helps you understand why these techniques work.

I'd recommend seeing Rosenberg in person, and using this book as a reference. Despite a legion of worshipers, he's incredibly pragmatic and down-to-earth. In contrast, this book feels a bit new-agey. Some of the sample dialog is a bit contrived, and it could use a better quick-reference. However, his whimsical style certainly helps you remember what's important.

The real-life stories and dialogs were amazing! He can communicate effectively with a couple having marriage problems, psychopathic killers, gangs, warlords, or even someone in a near catatonic state. Empathy is the key: once somebody feels that you understand them, and that you are trying to feel what they feel, then they will be more more likely to speak honestly with you to resolve conflict. Empathy trumps psychology every time. However, it also requires you to suspend all judgment that the other person is a monster -- merely another human being trying to fulfill their needs in the only way they know how.

The rules behind nonviolent communication are simple, and believable, but the application is extremely difficult. Our brains are wired for survival, not dialog. If I were speaking to a psychopath, the last thing on my mind would be his needs! However, Marshall gives several examples on how empathy is the most effective weapon when you want to defuse a dangerous situation.

Its instinctive to make snap judgments when we feel threatened. It takes a lot of courage and practice to do what Marshall does... I can only hope to be half as good as him.